0118 - Advice for single men: a woman’s perspective [ Response ]

Advice for single men: a woman’s perspective I am in my mid-30s. Divorced and have been on the dating scene for the last 5 years. Now I am not claiming all women are perfect or that we don’t have our own shit to work on. But this post is strictly advice for the men. Especially 30+ singles. We’ve got our shit together, our careers established, homes secure, we’re doing the work on ourselves, and know what we’re looking for in a partner. I’ve seen some repeated behaviors that can be so off putting (but so easily avoidable!) and I’d just like to help some fellas out. Take the lead. If you’re going on a first date, make the effort and the initiative to plan something. The “up to you” “it’s whatever” “whatever you wanna do” isn’t going to make a girl feel wanted or like she’s worth the effort. A little thought and assertiveness goes such a long way. Please for the love of God, just pay for the first date. If your funds are limited, choose something easy. A coffee, a walk in the park, dessert. If your date is unimpressed by that, then take it as a sign that a more high maintenance girl is simply not the gal for you. Take interest in your date. Ask questions. Stay engaged. It goes both ways but nothing is more off putting than a man who either talks about himself the whole time or does not make the effort to show he wants to know you at a deeper level. Ask and listen. I’m not going to give a lecture on chivalry here but a couple of small things make such a big difference. Get out of your car to greet her, offer her food first if you’re sharing, walk her to her Uber or door when she’s leaving — it’s such small things that are minimal effort for you but show her you’re considerate and attentive. If you’ve reached a stage where she is coming over for the first time, please clean up. I personally take it as a sign that not only are you not clean but you don’t even care to appear clean for my first time at your house. This especially goes for your bathroom. Clean your toilet and wipe down your sinks. I do not want to see bowl stains and grime. I continue to see this even with men in their 40s and I don’t understand how anyone thinks that’s acceptable. If you’re about to hook up, make the effort to ensure you’re clean and fresh. I get that we might get a little musty sometimes even if we’re generally clean people but take the time or excuse yourself and check. Are the pits good? Are you getting some real action? Wash your dick and really get in there. Don’t forget behind your balls. I’ve experienced the most put together men end up with a musty set of balls that I won’t go near. If you take the risk of me taking a hit on that shit then what else don’t you care about. If you’re expecting a hookup or an overnight guest, please have clean sheets and a fresh towel. It’s so basic but makes you come off like a real grown up. I recently went on a couple dates with a 50 year old man. Lovely guy. I was excited to spend the night. He had only one used and smelly bath towel that clearly had not been washed in ages. That was enough for me to lose attraction and not look back. It’s inexcusable and representative of more (hygiene, cheapness, consideration that I am staying over, a desire to make me feel welcome and comfortable). There’s plenty more but these are a couple of things I’ve seen repeatedly among men 35-50 that should have ended at college graduation. Curious to hear if this feels like too much to ask for (or what else you’d ask for).   / advice_for_single_men_a_womans_perspective